How to Survive the 2016 Dallas Observer St. Patrick's Day Concert

At some point Saturday you'll see him.  One shoe will be missing, the green hat he's wearing will be askew, and the festive holiday tank top he purchased from Target will be soaked in beer.  And this refugee from the St Patrick's Day parade will be in your way as you try to get to and Dallas Observer St. Patrick's Day Concert, this year will be headlined by Third Eye Blind. 
 
But, don't worry: We're here to give you some tips not only on how to avoid being that guy, but on how you can survive stuffing into a packed crowd to line Greenville Ave. to see exactly how much green colored beer a person can handle.
 
Getting to the Festivities

Blessed be the DART, and thank you our DART lord and savior for the Mockingbird station stop, for you have solved the problem of there being 50,000 drunk drivers on the road. People, be sensible; you will drink too much, so use the public transportation that's provided to you.

Behaving in Public

So, you might have noticed that things are a bit tense in this country at the moment, and well there will be a lot of booze flowing, and people tend to use that as a excuse to do some pretty ridiculous things, so let's all agree to not be drunken antagonists for the good of this countries sanity. (Yeah, I'm talking to you dude with the orange T-shirt.) Oh, and the police will have zero chill, so try to just walk the line as well as you can.

The Parade

Okay, so the parade is a thing that makes normal, sane people completely loose their minds. A combination of early drinking, green clothing, floats and random music leads the worst of us coming out. The parade starts at 11:00. By 11:15 you'll be upset that Whacking Day isn't actually a thing. By 11:30 someone in your crew is already passed out. And if by some chance you make it to the end of the parade around 12:30 you should immediately buy a lottery ticket because you, sir or madame, are truly blessed.
The Music

The real pros skip the parade altogether and roll into the area around 1 p.m. for the concert. Conveniently the concert takes place a short walk from the end of the parade, at Energy Square. You miss all the pageantry of the parade, but you also avoid the people who can't handle their booze and, well, just being honest here, the families.

The past few years have seen the lineups jump around between genres, and this year the pattern continues: After two years that saw Snoop Dogg and then Ludacris headline, last year the St. Pat's party went (Texas) country with Josh Abbott Band, and now it's going '90s alt rock thanks to Third Eye Blind.

With a sunny day forecast for Saturday, it should be a perfect day to bust out the board shorts and flip flops and sing along to "Semi-Charmed Life" and "Jumper" — which, admit it, you still know all the lyrics too (and are destined to have stuck in your head for at least a week after the fact). With Austin's Saints of Valory, plus North Texas natives the Vandoliers, Jessie Frye and Kirk Thurmond and the Millennials also performing on Saturday, it should be a Bud Light-fueled singalong all afternoon and evening.

The Booze

This year the Observer concert is sponsored by Bud Light, Shock Top, Ziegenbock, Montejo, Barefoot Wine, SVEDKA Vodka, Serpent's Bite Apple Cider Whiskey, Casa Noble Tequila, Black Velvet Canadian Whiskey and Sparkling Ice. Basically, all the booze. Which means we're getting lit, and then trying to hydrate. (Watch out you don't wake up in a bathtub cradling that bottle of Sparkling Ice on Sunday morning, champ.)

The Food

There are restaurants everywhere on Greenville, and the food trucks will be out in full force, but for those of you going to the concert you'll be able to grab goods from Grub Burger Bar, Social Pizza and Yucatan Taco Stand. VIPs at the concert will get Back Home BBQ, Crab Station, Full Circle Tavern and Tiff's Treats, so you know, splurge on that VIP package.

Leaving

Music is scheduled to be wrapped up by 7:00 p.m. That means everybody out. Do not be the person who pees on the DART, or the person who pukes in the Uber. And if you do end up being that person, pray that your friend was the one who ordered the car.

The Recovery

Get Sparkling Ice for your money. Oh, and on Sunday you'll gonna want to combine lemon lime Gatorade, a Topo Chico and a few shots of tequila, then get thee to a taco stand. You'll really thank us for this last part, we promise.

THIRD EYE BLIND performs at the Dallas Observer St. Patrick's Day Concert with Saints of Valory, Vandoliers, Jessie Frye and Kirk Thurmond and the Millennials, after the St. Patrick's Day Parade, Saturday, March 19, at Energy Square, on the corner of Greenville and University, $15/$85 VIP.