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Nice try, tourist. But the vaping cancels out the Ozzy T-shirt.EXPAND
Nice try, tourist. But the vaping cancels out the Ozzy T-shirt.
Mike Brooks

50 Ways To Spot a Deep Ellum Tourist

It’s no secret that Deep Ellum has been changing dramatically just over the last five years. While some of the beloved longtime neighborhood staples are closing shop, new bars and restaurants are popping up left and right, bringing hefty crowds from all walks of life to the neighborhood.

The influx of new people is great for business but can sometimes be annoying, frustrating and even comical for those who live and work in the area, and are used to things being a “certain way.” Nobody ever wants to look like a tourist, right? So, if you are new to frequenting the area, welcome! (but it may not be in your best interest to be so obvious about it.) Here are 50 signs you may be spotted as a Deep Ellum tourist.

1. You tell waitstaff you and your family are having a “Sunday fun day.”

2. You take Instagram photos in front of murals ... and don’t even tag the artists.

3. You’re walking around in platforms. Flip-flops if you’re male.

4. You’re a man going up to a woman and you fully intend to hit on her instead of telling her about your band.

5. You give money to that one homeless guy that insists it’s for a “bus ticket” back home to visit his daughter … and then again six months later when he still has no ticket. Also, you don’t know the name of one single homeless person.

If you don't know this man ... you might be a Deep Ellum tourist.
If you don't know this man ... you might be a Deep Ellum tourist.
Danny Gallagher

6. Your favorite local artist is Post Malone.

7. You walk around with a popsicle.

8. You ask a stranger for directions to Trees,

9. ...because the only Deep Ellum places you’ve been to are Stirr and Bottled Blonde.

10. You pay $10 for parking.

11. You pay $20 for parking.

12. You pay $20 for parking to the homeless guy with a neon vest posing as the “parking attendant" before getting towed.

13. You try to bond with local bands by mentioning the one local band you knew 10 years ago that your cousin’s friend was in and you don't remember their name but, boy, were they on the verge of breaking out.

14. You ask Leon Bridges for a selfie, and not because you're friends.

15. Frank Campagna doesn't say hello to you when you walk by Kettle Art Gallery.

16. You wear Sperry shoes, a polo shirt and khaki shorts un-ironically.

17. You take rides on the Dallas Party Bike ... and sing outdated Top 40 hits ... loudly. We’ve also seen you twerk on your seat.

18. You take pictures of your meal before you eat it and not because there's a hair or insect in it.

19. You ponder for five minutes over the local brews at BrainDead Brewery.

20. You ride scooters on the opposite side of the road.

21. You ride scooters, period.

22. You wait in line outside of Pecan Lodge. For hours. Under the sun. For their awesome BBQ. OK, you get a pass.

23. You, in fact, wait in line everywhere because you don’t know any of the owners or doormen. But you've met all the managers because you and your haircut are always ready to talk to the manager.

24. You can never seem to find Double Wide, but have heard it’s a pretty cool place. It’s a hellhole, please go back to Stirr.

25. You gladly pay $15 for a “craft” cocktail.

26. You’ve never heard of Club Clearview. You don't know Deep Ellum Bob. The name Gavin means nothing to you and you don't have beef with Pete. Do you even go here?

27. You peek inside the windows of Ferralog like a vulture, and fantasize about opening
a bar there one day with your three closest buddies.

28. You travel in groups of four or more people, all who seem to have a knack for pastel colors.

29. You wear a fanny-pack and not to keep your drugs in it.

30. You purchase a Deep Ellum tour.

31. You're shocked that Buzzbrews takes so long to bring out your food. And you’re still giggling about the unisex bathroom.

32. You push a stroller in Deep Ellum and it’s not filled with your personal belongings.

33. You kid yourself and others about getting a tattoo when passing a tattoo studio.

34. You tell your friends you used to go to Deep Ellum all the time, but you’re probably getting it mixed up with Greenville Avenue.

35. You've never been photographed by Mike Brooks, Kathy Tran or Karlo Ramos. In fact, the only pictures of you in Deep Ellum were taken by you and can be found on your Snapchat.

36. You drive a European car without any sort of body or paint damage.

37. You don’t remove your sunglasses when you look at art. And you never look at art, which is why Frank Campagna doesn't know you.

38. You drive the wrong way down Elm Street.

39. You and your friends get dropped off in a black car. Intentionally.

40. You've never done coke in the (we won't rat them out by saying their name, but someone is always doing coke in the bathroom) bathroom.

41. You use the words "fashion blogger," "lifestyle blogger" and "Instagram influencer" without laughing.

42. You brunch in Lululemon clothing.

43. You deliberately brunch and not because you’ve just woken up after a late night.

44. You walk slow, while looking through your phone, and block the sidewalks.

45. You have no idea who “El Dangeroso” is and where he works.

46. You vape in public and obnoxiously talk about vape flavors.

47. You've never had the club sandwich at Pete’s Dancing Marlin.

48. You stay at the Deep Ellum Hostel.

49. You still dance to “Uptown Funk” when it plays on rooftop patios.

50. You pass The Curtain Club without staring longingly. 

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