Jim Norton providing a hooker with direction. We think.
Jim Norton providing a hooker with direction. We think.

Jim Norton Came to Dallas, Did Comedy, Complimented Our Many Fine Massage Parlors

Did you know that the Mall of America in Minnesota is where the government Operation-Dumbo-Drops all of the obese people you've lost contact with? Jim Norton does. They're totally fine, he said. No need to worry.

I checked out Norton's show at the Addison Improv over the weekend, and it was a wild ride through the comedian's wicked world of politics and masturbation. When he wasn't locating long-lost relatives for audience members, the Black Sabbath superfan was ripping on everything from the CIA to John Travolta to himself.

When bemoaning his newest bedroom addition -- his sleep apnea mask -- Norton whipped out his phone, showing the audience a picture of him in the seemingly torturous device. Picture a round-headed, shorn fellow with a bird-like face. Now add plastic tubes and straps to the lower half. There you have it -- Jim Norton at night.

If you're brave, here's a pic. He's convinced his own mouth and nose are trying to kill him.

When his body isn't plotting his death (never say die, Jim!), Norton revels in his vices -- porn, massages with (possible) happy endings, plain ol' hookers. Sensing a pattern? A self-identified sex addict, Norton isn't afraid to let it all out on stage. People expect that from comedians, he said. Who he really feels sorry for are the A-list celebrities who have to live double lives (cough, John Travolta, cough).

Norton is pretty impressed with Texas, Dallas specifically. For being so conservative, he said, we sure do have a lot of massage parlors. It's as if we're required by law to have one every few hundred feet. Hey, whatever it takes to get Norton here.

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