Instead of Complaining About the Heat, Try Taking an Ice Bath at the Russian Banya of Dallas

The summer in Texas is too damn hot, and it never seems to get better. This year, some of us even celebrated the fact that the heat index dipped to 95 degrees.

It's so damn hot that none of the usual remedies work. Lemonade used to be an ideal solution, but the ice melts too fast to space out the time needed between sips for maximum quench as evidenced in the equation (volume – sip time) / time between sips = quench level.

Most Dallas residents have passed this place at some point, or come across an ad on social media advertising a traditional Russian ice bath in Carrollton.

According to the Washington Post, ice baths or epiphany bathing is a tradition in which bathers alternate between sitting in a toasty sauna and jumping into icy cold water. Only one of those sounded ideal, but you'd be surprised how well they go together.

The Russian Banya of Dallas in Carrollton (2515 E. Rosemeade Parkway) offers both of these refreshing experiences if you're brave and tired enough of the relentless summer heat to give it a shot.

Owner Michael Uspenski gave us a tour of the place. He grabbed an extra-large towel for my extra-large frame, a pair of flip flops and a locker key. I showed up in swim trunks and my favorite black T-shirt for my icy plunge, but a sign above the deep vat of cold water informed me that everyone who plops in must be "nude only" and "no swimsuits allowed."

My nerves jumped from excited to numbingly nervous. This wasn't about any body issues. I'm quite comfortable with the way I look, but you know the issue with diving into frigid water. Seinfeld called it "shrinkage."

Uspenski assured me I'd survive for a minute or two, and that the wood-fired sauna that follows would make the experience even more relaxing. He invited me to stick my hand in the 5-foot-ish-tall bath; it was cold but felt doable.

This is one hell of a way to embrace the fullness of feeling alive. There's still some debate as to the full effectiveness of cold water exposure in a controlled environment, but a 2022 survey published in the International Journal of Circumpolar Health says cold water immersion "may have a protective effect against cardiovascular, obesity and other metabolic diseases" and could also "reduce and/or transform body adipose tissue, as well as reduce insulin resistance and improve insulin sensitivity." Uspenski says he's seen people come into the spa seeking relaxing treatments for various types of ailments and anxieties and to help them recover from various injuries. He even says it's "good for sleep."

First, I stepped into the shower for a quick rinse, which is necessary since the flop sweat started the second I set foot in the lobby. I knotted a towel and headed out for one of the coldest dips you can take in Dallas until a Reddy Ice truck dumps a whole load of its product into Lee Harvey's Dive In.

The first challenge is just getting into the thing. It's not really polite to do a cannonball in the ice bath, which as all Southern swimmers know is the most effective way to get used to a cold pool. The vat went up to just under my shoulders so it takes some ... um, maneuvering to get myself in the tub without ... let's call it clipping.

Fortunately, there's a step stool, which I failed to notice on my first attempt. Once it's down in the water, there's no delicate way to enter. So one leg goes in first, followed by a deep breath, and then the other goes over ... CHRIST, THAT'S COLD!

Bracing doesn't begin to describe the feeling. All the nerves awaken at once and start running around your body like little kids on a sugar high. My goal was to do at least one minute in the freezing-cold water, but my voice started to shiver as I nervously tried to plunge my entire body under the water's surface. It seemed impossible to the point where I was giggling like one of those anime characters because my brain wanted the full experience but my body was firmly keeping its feet on the brakes.

Finally after several attempts, I dunked my head under for just a second and the cold rushed everywhere. I jumped out like a big Caucasian jack-in-the-box and pulled myself out of the icy depths. Dammit, I feel alive.

Uspenski recommends balancing out the cold dip with a short sit in the wood-burning sauna. He smacked my whole body with oak leaves, and the intoxicating smell opened my sinuses. It feels awakening. I am all that is chill.

The whole experience is relaxing. It unties the knots that a day of Dallas summer can create, and it mellowed me out without putting me to sleep. Just don't forget the stepping stool and you'll be fine.