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Pacman Jones Advised by T.O. and Deion. God Help Us All.

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For the most part, Adam “Pacman” Jones’ day on The Michael Irvin Show sounded like this: “I had a horrible childhood” and “It was blown outta proportion.”

Finally, in hour three of his sit-in, we got to the relevant stuff. Jones, currently the property of the Tennessee Titans, does indeed -- desperately, in fact -- want to be a Dallas Cowboy. “Mostly, it’s a childhood dream,” Jones said. “The Cowboys is America’s Team. Period. Point blank. This is where I wanna be.” (Update: Or maybe this is where he actually wants to be. Which seems like a very, very, very, very bad idea.)

With the Patriots and Lions publicly poo-pooing rumors of their interest in Jones, the Cowboys seem the frontrunners to trade for the talented, tumultuous cornerback and kick returner. Jones has even called a member of the Cowboys to get a feel for the organization. One guess.

“He said it’s a great city as long as you keep your head straight,” Jones said of his conversation with Terrell Owens.

In a show mostly spent shrugging his shoulders and downplaying his arrests, Jones hopped on his hyperbole horse when predicting his potential impact in Dallas.

“I can help them win, no doubt," he said. "I’m good for two games a season by myself. Jerry Jones does give people second chances. He has a big heart. Hopefully he’ll give me one so I can be in a Cowboys uniform next season.”

To be fair, Jones did have a horrible childhood. His dad was murdered next door when he was 8 years old. His mom has fought drug addiction for years, and the grandmother who raised him died when he was a freshman at West Virginia.

But, also to be fair, he barely took responsibility for anything.

“I’m not saying I didn’t never do anything wrong,” Jones said. “But, yeah, a lot of things have been blown outta proportion.”

Jones is mentored by Deion Sanders, got his nickname from the way he aggressively chugged milk as a baby and promises to never ever go to a strip club again. At least for now.

“I can’t say never ever,” Jones said. “But not in the next couple three years.”

Coming up on a year's probation from football, his confidence is anything but stunted. He all but said his arrival in Dallas would get the Cowboys over the Super Bowl hump.

“I’m the best cornerback in the NFL," he said. "I’ve got the whole package. I’m great at what I do. It’s my stupidity that’s got me here on the sideline.”

He’s also, admittedly, a gamble: “It’s like I’m on the cliff right now. One slip-up, and it’s off the cliff. I’m living in a glass house. I’ve gotta watch everything … where I spit.”

At least that part he’s got exactly right. --Richie Whitt

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