You've done so well keeping that swimsuit physique sharp and toned for the entire summer, but it's all about to come crashing down like a mountain of thinly shaved potatoes fried to something resembling perfection. The State Fair of Texas is back.
And you're all going to die.
Remember, these are the people who took normally refreshing things like Coke and beer and managed to turn them into a warm, gooey-crusted mess. Frito pie, which might often be considered caloric enough with its cheese and chili, was somehow encapsulated in golden brown and
delicious deadly. Even bacon wasn't safe. The most perfect food thing on the planet was subjected to abuse and ended up chicken-fried.
Of course, sometimes these mutant dished are appealing. Deep-fried jambalaya turned out to be the world's most coveted (and most expensive) arancini, and Alice Laussade described the Buffalo chicken in a flapjack as chicken-boning delicious.
Anyhow, here's what you have to pummel yourself with this year, in addition to all the deep-fried, cheese-covered stuff you've come to depend on in the past. You should probably print this out and read it on your way to the gym. Actually, you should probably just go to the gym.
Awesome Deep Fried Nutella Cream cheese and Nutella are whipped and spread over flaky Phyllo dough sheets, rolled up and deep fried. Served with a drizzle of honey and shaved almonds.
This sounds like it belongs in a fancy Italian restaurant. High probability of delicious.
Deep Fried Cuban Roll A filling of slow cooked pork shoulder, chopped ham, Swiss cheese, pickles and secret sauce is spread onto a slice of Swiss cheese, rolled up in pastry dough, and deep fried. Roll is served with a side of mojo sauce for dipping.
Obviously the winner.
Fernie's Deep Fried King Ranch Casserole This stick-to-your-ribs TEXAS-SHAPED creation is melted cheese, salty, spicy goodness that is dipped in a zesty Southwestern egg wash and coated in panko bread crumbs. Deep fried golden brown and crunchy on the outside; steamy and creamy on the inside! Served with a side of red, white, and blue tortilla chips and your choice of our homemade "salsafied" sour cream or cheesy queso. Each one proudly flying the flag of the Lone Star State and deep fried in the Heart of Texas!
Anything that uses "goodness" in its description should be disqualified for terrible food writing. And while noun-turned-verb is mostly awesome, "salsafied" proves the technique is not a silver bullet.
Head over the page for a lesson on how to make a Deep-Fried Oreo, and for news of a Fried Thanksgiving Dinner!
Fried Thanksgiving Dinner Mama's homemade stuffing and diced roasted turkey are rolled in a ball. Next it's dipped in southern cream corn and rolled in seasoned corn meal - all fried to a crispy golden brown. Served with old fashion giblet brown gravy. The zesty orange cranberry sauce fills your dipping needs and results in a complete thanksgiving dinner, FRIED!
We get it. FRIED! Like everything else.
Golden Fried Millionaire Pie Sweetened, fluffy cream cheese filling is loaded with golden pineapple and Texas pecans then wrapped in a flaky pie crust and fried to a golden brown. Topped with whipped cream, toasted coconut, and candied pecans.
Wait a minute, where is my million dollars? Oh, that's what I spent on State Fair tickets.
Spinach Dip Bites Creamy and delicious spinach artichoke dip bites are coated with crispy tortilla chips and flash-fried until golden brown. Bites are served with salsa for an additional kick.
To be sold to Applebee's and included on menus nationwide -- especially during happy hour.
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Southern Style Chicken-Fried Meatloaf Homemade meatloaf slices are coated in an authentic Texas chicken-fried breading and deep fried golden brown. Served with garlic mashed potatoes, Texas cream gravy, and a ketchup/brown sugar glaze for dipping.
Potentially amazing, so long as that meatloaf holds together. But with a side of mashed potatoes ordering this one will render your fair eating session done. For the year.
Texas Fried Fireball Pimento cheese, pickles, cayenne pepper, and bacon are rolled into a ball, dipped in buttermilk, covered with a jalapeño-infused batter and deep fried. Served with chipotle ranch for dipping.
This dish is a shit show. It's like that weird sandwich you created when you were a kid using whatever you could find in your refrigerator and has a high probability for mass appeal.