Valentine's Day. It's about love and romance and red dye #5. It's about making your sweetheart feel special. But, more than that, Valentine's Day is about trading gifts for lovin'. To make things easy this year, we've put together a base-by-base breakdown of what gifts could get you to which bases with your food-loving flame:
First Base
Give your honey some local honey. It's delicious, it's punny, it shows that you not only remembered Valentine's Day but that you also know where the good grocery stores are. Just be completely aware that this is one of those cute gifts that'll definitely get you a cheek kiss, not a man-parts kiss.
Second Base
Chocolate. It's trite, but so's this Hallmark holiday. Some would warn you against the box of Whitman's from Walgreens, but in this case, it's all about knowing your valentine. For instance, I love me some Queen Anne chocolate-covered cherries. I'm completely aware that normal people think these taste like butt. What can I say? Apparently, butt's my favorite. Here's the point: don't spend a ton of money on fancy dark chocolate from Central Market's chocolate festival if your valentine has a Reese's obsession.
Third Base
Dinner. If you're dating a foodie, this one should be obvious. We're not saying you can just serve up some Kraft mac & cheese and get to third base (maybe if there are hotdogs in it), but if you make one of these crazy-good looking Bon Appetit dishes, the work will definitely pay off in lovin'. For bonus points (and bases), take photos of the food as you make it and put together an accompanying homemade food porn calendar.
Home Run
Play hard to get. Get your sweetheart something that isn't easy to acquire, like his or her favorite old-school candy, or a bow-wrapped pound of shoulder clod from the just-opened Lockhart Smokehouse, or a picture of Guy Fieri not looking dumb. For the M&Ms lover, it's not too late to get personalized M&Ms which are potentially hilarious if you've got a valentine with a sense of humor. You can write your own messages on them, as long as they're not offensive (We typed in "lick maballs" and that was allowed, so don't fret. Just get creative). Get your face printed on them, use clip art -- there's really no end to the fun you can have with these.
Happy Valentine's gift-giving. We're rooting for you.
