On Friday, Boing Boing led us to the light of the Stock Car Racing Edition of the Bible. And, as they were in the dark times, we were most grateful. No, it's not our next Mixmaster Online Book Club selection.
We were ready to have a "come to Jesus" with you guys, about this little number. In fact, ready to bust out tablets noting what ye shall and shall not think/do whilst reading it -- then we saw that the good folk of Amazon had already provided good word(s).
Behold, our favorite user reviews on the NIV Bible: Stock Car Racing Edition:
I highly recommend this book to anyone like me who didn't finish middle school and likes fast things. Your faith will grow and get faster and faster. With Jesus as your pit boss, you'll never worry when life's collisions set you back.
From Cal Noughton Jr. (but most likely someone named Guy):
This Bible is awesome, cause I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo t-shirt which says "I want to be formal, but I'm here to party, too." 'Cause I like to party, so I like my Jesus to party. I like to think of Jesus with giant eagle's wings, singing lead vocals for Lynyrd Skynyrd, with an angel band, and I'm in the front row, and I'm hammered drunk!
From Jason Kirkfield:
I WONDER Isn't publication of the "Holy Bible: Stock Car Racing Edition" one of the original signs of the apocalypse? AND I WONDER Have the commandments been revised to include such modern-day directives as "Thou shalt not pass on the outside"?
Instead of boooooring pictures of the Last Supper and the probable locations of holy sites, I get AWESOME pictures of crashes and and cars going in circles! I could practically smell the burning rubber and see the girls in halter tops firing cheap t-shirts out of a cannon at me...all the while learning who begat Bathsheba! (SPOILER ALERT: It was Eliam)
There is no better feeling than cracking open a six-pack on a Sunday morning and sitting down and reading my Stock Car bible. Because if there's one thing religion needs...it's definitely DRAFTING!
From K. White:
So, I figure I'll at least read it like a magazine, flipping through until I get to full-color pages with pictures of folks I know saying things I already agree with.
Oh, and lastly --
From Earl Hamon "Governor of Texas":
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Excellent price for this bible...our school district was able to stay in budget in order to provide copies to all our science students. Includes the previously apocryphal Book of Bobby. A suggestion might be to edit out the troublesome Old Testiment and substitute some vintage Brickyard 400 programs. It should help to balance out the racing/religion ratio.
And as if the Book of Earnhardt wasn't enough, Amazon suggests that the Stock Car Racing Bible is often purchased along Before the Thunder Rolls: Devotions for NASCAR Fans and Drive Like Hell: NASCAR's Best Quotes and Quips. There's a threefer, you can believe it.
Below, feel free to offer your own sponsorship-worthy "user" reviews (and by that, we mean references to Talladega Nights, driving in circles and artistic works like "The Last Pit Crew"), jingles, product pairings (a communion of Wheaties and Bud Light?) or ad pitches to really sell folks on an exhaust-filled afterlife.