The 10 Most McConaughey Moments from Matthew McConaughey's Art of Livin' Livestream

If you've been on YouTube even for a half second this past month, you've been greeted by one of Matthew McConaughey's ads for his free motivational smorgasbord called The Art of Livin'. And it was exactly what it sounds like. The title couldn't be more on the nose if he had called it I'm All Right, All Right, All Right, You're All Right, All Right, All Right.

The most famous Texan on Earth has always had a spiritual side to him that's made him endearing and at the very least memorable, but if you watched this four-plus-hour seminar, you'd have gotten enough McConaughey to last you for the rest of the year. How McConaughey was it? Well, he STARTED by playing his bongos, and it just took off from there.

This is the most pure, unfiltered McConaughey you can get without a prescription. It burned with the light of a million Lincoln Continental ads. It's like the Army took a closing monologue from True Detective, injected it with napalm and dropped in an oil-coated ocean.

The free livestream, however, offers motivational speakers who aren't Matthew McConaughey. So to save you some time, we've reduced this heaping helping of JKLOL down to 10 moments that were the most McConaughey (and yes, any overuse of vowels that follow are intentional).

1. "This is filterleeeeeesss."

McConaughey says his seminar stems from his memoir Greenlights. The book attracted the interest of professional motivators such as Dean Graziosi and Tony Robbins to work together on something deeper for his fans, and eight months later, we have The Art of Livin'. What the hell did they do for eight months? Was Matthew McConaughey not Matthew McConaughey enough for Matthew McConaughey?

Nevertheless, part of the fun of watching this four-hour experience is how much you get to see McConaughey totally in his element with no camera cuts, bleeps or censors. He tells stories about his journey. He curses, but not too much. He's VERY open, as you'll see very soon. Sometimes it's the kind of open that makes you glad your parents aren't watching with you.

2. "Heyeeeyyeahyeah! Those goal poles. I thought they were in concrete and the world said, 'No, no just Velcro.'"

McConaughey uses metaphors the way brick layers wield a trowel or crime scene cleaners push a mop. He sops every last ounce of symbolism the way heavy eaters clean the steak juice from their plates with a Hawaiian roll. It's why you never see him stutter or struggle for a word. He just plows through a thought from his brain to his heart like a medieval battering ram. There is no stopping it. That tortured simile is going to escape from his head or die trying ... metaphorically, of course.

3. "Alone, I went to my favorite office. I buckled up in my favorite seat and I started crossing the highways and byways of North America. I took a road trip. Hahah."

The little, two-beat laugh that ends McConaughey's sentences are super-plus max periods (the punctuation mark, of course). He doesn't just end sentences or stories with an uplifting ending or a twist of words. He perforates the page with that little laugh that probably expels more than just air from his lungs. Roughly translated, "hahah" coming from McCounaghey translates into English as, "This sentence is now complete and indelibly stamped on your brain." It's also easier to just say "hahah," and it saves everyone involved a lot of time.

4. "Come on, it's not identity. There's no vision or way forward in that thinking. That's just some passive-aggressive, counterpunch, default bullshit. ... Guilty. I said no judging. Mind bogey. Couldn't help myself."

McConaughey does have a little bit of a Neo-from-The-Matrix complex, as in he who sees through the façade of the world's algorithms and coding. It's clear McConaughey sees a lot of disruption in humanity and as a dutiful major celebrity, he wants to jump in and help to the point where he has to hold himself accountable at all times; hence the "mind bogey," which is just below a "brain foul" and just above a "7–10 split psyche."

5. "[Playing a beat on a bongo drum and singing to the tune of "You Get a Line, I'll Get a Pole"] "Ain't no cops coming in if you bang 'em/Ain't no cops are coming if you do/Ain't no cops if you bang 'em/Just make sure you ain't wearing your birthday suit."

Here's a life tip from us: No matter what you are doing, you stop the action immediately if you see McConaughey with a bongo drum because fun's a comin'. It may take a long while of enduring the beat to get there, but something insanely memorable is going to drop.

McConaughey's little ditty refers to a 1999 incident when Austin police arrested him after neighbors complained that he was drumming the bongos a little too loudly. Police showed up and found McConaughey dancing naked and a bong on his coffee table. Eventually, he just had to pay a fine for a noise violation. That's how insane he is on the bongos, the only percussion instrument that you could smash with a softball bat and it would barely register any sound above a stern murmur.

6. "If we wanna start living, we gotta start admitting. If we wanna be legit, we've gotta admit. Guilty twice. I rhymed for the second time."

He rhymes and then he apologizes for rhyming ... WITH A RHYME! Can we oust the world's poet laureate right now and install McConaughey coup style?

7. "We're not always ready to chaaaange from the caterpillar into the butterfly. Sometimes we wanna cocoooon and go through some smaller changes first, and if it's good, it's right, we should do so."

McConaughey also has a Max Headroom vibe to him, and that's beyond his stretched out speech patterns that sound like someone dropped the TV set into the bathtub. He's trying to find the right words in the middle of a sentence, but he's on such a roll that he doesn't want dead air so he stretches out the word by its loudest vowel while his mind riffles through a file cabinet full of spiritual imagery. Sometimes he sounds like a short-form improv comedy exercise came to life, except people who work with him actually want to go to his shows.

8. "I always talk about this thing, like if we could have immortal finish lines. Then we wouldn't choke, like Bo Jackson, as an athlete, he'd run with the ball. He wasn't trying to cross the goal line. He was across the goal line, through the end zone and up the frickin' tunnel!"

Ahh, yes, the old football analogy. McConaughey is a lifelong Texas Longhorns fan and a co-owner of the Austin FC Major League Soccer club, so a sports analogy is always gonna pop up in his conversations. In fact, if you listen to him talk for more than two hours and you don't hear an analogous sports story, get an MRI immediately.

9. "In 1999, I just had a dream I was floating down a river naked, wrapped up in anaconda, sharks, piranhas and crocodiles, and lined along the ridge of the river, there were thousands of African tribesman each holding a shield and a spear. And it wasn't a nightmare. Actually, it was a wet dream. No shit."

So to put this in the proper context, McConaughey relayed this really unusual (even for him) story because it taught him the value and innateness of humanity's trust in one another. The whole thing about anacondas is so textbook Freudian that you could cover it with a brown paper sack and draw a pointy "S" on it.

However, two thoughts immediately come to mind. He either actually dreamed this one night or he got really high on the Jungle Cruise at Walt Disney World and thought he dreamed it.

10. "How you doing with your dream?" [whistles] "Good question."

Someone watching on the live chat feed asked him this and for some reason, it impressed him. McConaughey is an Oscar-winning global movie star who has a ton of money and probably all the trappings that go with insane amounts of fame, and somehow the question stumped HIM.

Does this mean we should all just resign from whatever job we're doing now? Screw quiet quitting. This is loud leaving!