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The Real Housewives of Dallas Celebrate the Birth of Travis, God's Gift to Earth

The Real Housewives of Dallas
Episode 8 Recap
“Birthday Bashed”

We’re back again for episode 8 of The Real Housewives of Dallas! And it’s Travis’ birthday! You know, Travis. Stephanie Hollman’s husband who gives her a list of chores and doesn’t trust her to check the mail, much less plan an extravagant birthday party for him. But by golly, Stephanie is going to prove she’s a big girl who can do it! How exciting, y’all!

"The day [Travis] was born is a very precious gift that God gave the world. Nothing can go wrong," Stephanie says, joking. Why do we feel like Travis isn't joking, though?

The first thing Stephanie Hollman is tasked with doing is picking out a venue. She enlists Brandi Redmond and Travis’ assistant, Courtney Petrone, for help. The entire time Petrone looks like she's crying for help. She's terrified. And scared. And other words for not comfortable.

The three decide on The Mitchell, a hotel bar without the hotel in downtown Dallas. It has a 4.5 star rating on Yelp.

OH, and it’s Zuri’s birthday! Zuri is Cary and Mark Deuber’s multilingual 3-year-old. And even though Mark trusted Cary with the birthday arrangements, Cary screwed up big time and bought vanilla cake instead of chocolate like Mark wanted! Y’all! The zaniness of this bunch.

Also, LeeAnne Locken and boyfriend Rich eat at True Food Kitchen in Preston Center. Nobody is there, but if you go there on a Saturday afternoon, it is packed. Rich orders some wraps and Locken orders a burger. They discuss Locken's upcoming charity event where Locken is the keynote speaker to help empower women who are HIV positive. Someone should create a test like the Bechdel test for this show. See if two people can have a conversation about something other than how they're helping the charity world.

Moving on.

Hollman attends Locken's speaking engagement and even tears up because she's so moved. Then Hollman awkwardly calls Redmond to let her know that Locken will be attending Travis' birthday party. Redmond is all like, "Whaaaaa." So Redmond calls Locken to see if they can make amends before Travis' big day. Because nothing can go wrong. You remember.

Redmond and Locken decide to meet at Sissy's Southern Kitchen, where a woman covered in tattoos serves them. Today if you walk in, men in bowties and collared shirts greet and serve you. Also, that yellow door is gone. Locken and Redmond make up. They hug.

But back to Travis' birthday! It's God's gift to the world! Redmond and Hollman need dresses for the Great Gatsby theme, so off to Whatchamacallit they go. Whatchamacallit is a place in Dallas and Fort Worth where high school girls shop. And also apparently Real Housewives. Alfia is their saleswoman and she tells us that filming was natural and that she's not a saleswoman, she's in the service industry, and everything she does is to serve the Lord. Which is funny, because she's on The Real Housewives of Dallas

But Alfia tells us they bought Sherri Hill dresses. Redmond bought Sherri Hill 3853, which if you want to dress like a Housewife, will cost you about $1,000. 

All of this leads up to Travis' big party, where everyone gets Birthday Bashed! We assume this is a play on smashed because Redmond gets kind of drunk. Drunk enough to exchange poop stories with Locken. Haha! Did you think just because we are 80 percent of the way through the season that the shit talking would stop? Ha! Silly, precious you.

Tons of glasses of Jesus Juice later, and all five women (plus friends) decide to take a trip to Austin! The Real Housewives of Dallas take Austin! Can you even?

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Paige Skinner has written for the Dallas Observer since 2014.
Contact: Paige Skinner