Holidays

Wear This, Not That: Costumes for Getting Laid This Halloween* (NSFW)

*Advice for dudes. You wanna get laid this Halloween, ladies? Show up.

Sure there's the parties, the drinking, and the overwhelming desire to piss every time you get your goddamn costume on. But Halloween is about much more than that. According to scholars, All Hollow's Eve initially incorporated traditions from pagan harvest festivals, at which everyone wore the sexiest foliage they could find and tried like hell to get laid.

See also: - Dallas' 20 Best Halloween Events And Parties - The Ten Best Costumes From Comic Con Fan Days

That, of course, continues to be tradition. But guys, you can screw up without saying a word before you even get a chance to screw up by being lousy in bed.

Here are five costumes that will guarantee you go home with your hand and some Lubriderm on Halloween, and some much better alternatives that might get you a shot at a real live woman.

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Jane R. LeBlanc
Contact: Jane R. LeBlanc