Lady Hophead visited an estate sale on our street recently and picked up what has to be the greatest, most hilarious example of misguided beer marketing I have ever seen: a 1974 pamphlet from Schlitz full of food and "cocktail" recipes featuring the malt liquor.
Oddly, all the food recipes call for pork. For example: "Lone Star Ham Kabobs," consisting of ham marinated in a glaze of French dressing mix, chili powder, vinegar, salad oil and a can of Schlitz, then speared with orange chunks and green pepper and grilled.
The drink recipes are just as unrealistically aspirational. There's the "Malt Hopper," a jigger of white creme de menthe and 8 ounces Schlitz Malt Liquor poured over ice. Or the "Malt Sangria," a punch made of Schlitz and ginger ale with orange, lemon and lime slices -- and a maraschino cherry on top.
But the ultimate example of trying to class up a hopelessly low-class beverage is the Maltini. The recipe: "8 oz. Schlitz Malt Liquor. Green Olive. Pour Schlitz Malt Liquor over ice cubes in a 13 oz. double old-fashioned glass. Garnish with a green olive." I can think of a few other names for this drink that would be more fitting than "Maltini," such as "Tragecomedini," "Dying Alone-ini," "Last Drink-ini" or "Suicidini."
The pamphlet opens with "Facts about the Bull," such as "Fact 1: Bold. The bull is the symbol of Schlitz Malt Liquor with good reason. That reason is because it's bold -- as bold as the Bull himself! It's different than beer -- different because it's brewed under a different formula. Formula -- that's the key. That's what creates Schlitz Malt Liquor's unique zesty flavor!"
"Schlitz Malt Liquor Recipes For Drinking And Dining" follows in its entirety for your enjoyment. If you're looking for something to cook tonight, the Schlitz-marinated "Pizza Porkabobs" or "Pineapple Porklet Chow Mein" sound...um, exotic.
Click to enlarge all scans.
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