Apparently you guys like it when I'm angry, so I was all ready to launch into my next rant about the odd concept that is the modern yogurt shop, including Yumilicious in Uptown, which I visited last week. But it didn't feel right to rail on the shop. Everyone in the place seemed happy. They're doing something right.
After some consideration I realized: I have nothing against dessert, or yogurt, or toppings, or serve-yourself, or millions of options, either. I do wish some of the toppings here tasted a little less plasticine, but that's not the reason we're here. No, it's the customers and their egregious flavor behavior that made me want to start throwing Jelly Worms at people.
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I'd never been to Yumilicious, or any of the similarly constructed yogurt shops around town, so I cased the place as I would any new dining experience, surveying all the options before committing to anything. I settled on avocado yogurt. I offset its pleasing tang with sweet pineapple, then added some texture with the oily crunch of chopped almonds.
I should have stopped there, but that's the problem with the limitless topping station. Like a fat kid at the buffet without parental supervision, it's hard to know when to stop. I thought the sourness of ruby grapefruit slices would add another welcomed dimension to my creation, and it was a fine addition for sure. But it was entirely unnecessary. I should have stopped with my first two toppings. They were simple and more than adequate.
But compared to my tablemates, I proved to be the Rothko of yogurt construction. Their Pollockian creations included multiple yogurt flavors and so many toppings it looked like a candy store exploded. After a few bites their yogurt tubs looked like a nightmare. I asked if anyone could discern any individual flavors in what now looked like Willy Wonka throw-up. They couldn't. Of course they couldn't.
I tried to explain that just a modicum of restraint would produce a more pleasurable yogurt experience, complete with discernible flavors and textures, but my friends just smiled and continued to shove the melting goop into their yogurt holes. It was a lost cause. Yumilicious brings out the inner child in us that loves excess, I guess. That's probably why they're as busy as they are.