I was in Target the other day, in the checkout line behind an extreme couponer. He was purchasing about 800 butt tons of Lean Pockets and approximately 300 ass loads of detergent. At first glance I did not judge these purchases, presuming that the purchase of that many Lean Pockets would inevitably end in the need for that much laundry detergent.
But then the wad of coupons came out.
And that's when I realized it: I would be in line for 20 minutes so that this guy could save $6. I now understand the true pain of extreme couponing. It doesn't just hurt the couponer ("SWEET! TRIPLE COUPONS FOR ONE MILLION PAPER TOWELS I NEED PAPER TOWELS ALL THE TIME Y'ALL AND NOW I CAN FINALLY BUILD MY PAPER TOWEL TREE HOUSE I'VE ALWAYS NEEDED!"). It hurts everyone.
For this reason, I have extremed five other hobbies so you can stop being extreme at couponing and start being extreme at something else. Please. Now. Behold, the list of five extreme hobbies that are less shitty than extreme couponing:
Extreme Quilting Extreme Quilting is just like regular quilting, only you do it on acid. Quilts come out super extremed. Everyone's warm.
2. Extreme Pickling Everyone's pickling things. But you're extreme. Seems like everyone pickles stuff that starts out pretty boring (see: cucumbers, beets). It's time to start pickling Jackass-style. Start with something extreme, and pickle that shit. Pickled Sriracha. Pickled snowboard. Pickled Flavor-Blasted Doritos. You're so extreme right now.
3. Extreme Small Animal Petting You love kittens. You love puppies. You're super good at petting them. It's time to get extreme. Full-throttle this petting shit. Pet a kitten while you're dressed up like a cat, man. It's time to pet a sugar glider while hang-gliding. Let's do this. EXTREMED.
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4. Extreme Scrapbooking You're super awesome at scrapbooking. But are you extreme? Have you created a memory page for your last mammogram? Do you have an entire scrapbook flipbook filled with printed-out Instagram photos of the best YouTube videos of 2012? Didn't think so. Get on it.
5. Extreme Gardening
Oh sure, you're growing basil in your backyard. And probably peaches. Congrats. So's every kindergartener. You got any stem cells back there? You're not extreme gardening unless you're cloning mice.