The concept of a dive-in movie seems pretty straightforward. You bring the main necessities -- swimsuits, floaties, snacks (safely waiting 20 minutes after you eat before entering the water) and a positive mind-set -- and the owner of the pool provides a winning flick.
Throughout the summer, various water parks and hotels have offered, and continue to offer, us all a chance to take a dip while diverting attention from Texas' problem.
However, there are some instances where the star attraction, the movie, isn't the greatest pick from the DVD box. Don't get me wrong, it's not like they're showing soft-core porn on a jumbo screen, but there were some scheduling choices made for this season's dive-in movies that, in my most humble opinion, perhaps weren't the most ideal. Or -- the joke is really on us, and programmers are simply securing themselves a rare night when it's easy to clear the venue.
And now, in no particular order, most questionable examples of dive-in movies this season (feel free to add to this list in the comments):
Who could forget Wilson and Tom Hanks' impressive beard (that was one everyone needed to fear). Call me crazy, but being stranded on an island surrounded by a shit ton of water while Hanks' character goes crazy doesn't seem like the greatest idea for a dive-in screening. This film was featured at Fairmont Hotel.
Seriously, does this need any explanation? As if Shark Week isn't scary-awesome enough, at least there's something standing between you and that ferocious beast, a fucking TV. But being poolside is different. Being in a pool doesn't seem relaxing when all you've been watching for more than an hour are people dying in shark-infested waters. This movie screened to members only at NRH2O.
"I am a golden god, and I'm on drugs!" Let's give Cameron Crowe some credit here because this is one of the most quotable lines from this movie. The scene in which Billy Crudup's character jumps off the roof of a house and into a pool while on drugs isn't exactly something you want your kids to model after. It is super badass though. You still have time to witness this film tomorrow at Belmont Hotel.
Ferris Bueller's Day Off
The life lesson taught here is that it's okay to skip school and cruise around for an entire day, but what's not okay is pretending to drown because you're pissed off at your best friend, which is exactly what Alan Ruck's character, Cameron Frye, does. If your child attempts to reenact this scene, you have no one to blame but yourself. This flick was presented at Fairmont Hotel.
Justin Beiber: Never Say Never
J-beibs has been all the buzz since Canada decided to hand him over to 'Merica, and he declared his love for Selena Gomez (there's even a bronze statue of them). Tweens and 'dults hanging out together in spandex swimsuits watching a 17-year-old shake his ass on a 20-foot-screen makes you want vom a little doesn't it? It's almost as creepy as the Twihard craze. Almost. This movie aired at Hawaiian Falls in North Garland.