Arts & Culture News

Yes, MAGA Romance Novels Exist and Yes, They're Just as Bad as You'd Think

MAGA sure does have some people horny.
MAGA sure does have some people horny. Photo by Laura Seaman on Unsplash
Not sure what to get your Trump-loving aunt for her birthday this year? Need even more proof that we now live in a dystopian post-truth nightmare world? Look no further than the literary genre that no one needs and few asked for: MAGA romance.

So sorry to inform you of this strange new category, but a woman who goes by the name Liberty Adams has penned at least two offerings, which have been widely panned by internet critics.

Released on the day that Joe Biden was announced the winner of the 2020 presidential election, Adams’ first book has received a lackluster 1.5 stars on Amazon. It’s the opening installment of the “MAGA Hat Romance” series and is titled Ladies First. The description reads like a bad soap opera meets meets incel wet dream.

In it, “patriot Mike” and “feminist Ricki” fall in love when he rescues her from a riot that unfolded after a rally for then-President Donald Trump. Adams writes that Mike is a “gentleman giant” who “refuses to leave the side of the spunky half-pint until he and his pickup truck deliver her home, safe and sound.”

Ricki hopes to expose the racism of the Trump supporters for her blog, but her mission is foiled when her “mistaken assumptions fail to materialize.” Then, Mike gets doxed and Antifa targets his construction site, plus Ricki must decide whether to leave her fellow libtards for a “lifetime of old-fashioned true love.” A true Sophie’s choice.

The reviewers didn’t hold back their distaste for Adams’ writing, with one saying that even trash would be offended by getting compared to such word-vomit. Another reader claimed to have “pooped better stories” and that her “shampoo bottle contains better literature.”

Yet another one-star reviewer called it “the 'Mona Lisa' of bad writing,” adding: “This book makes me sorry language was ever invented.” Us, too.

Strangely enough, the only other book available on Amazon in the MAGA Hat Romance collection is the third installment. (Not sure what happened to the second one. Maybe it was too embarrassed to be associated with its counterparts and performed seppuku.)

Justice for Mary Beth also earned 1.5 shiny stars. It centers on real estate developer Mary Beth Halloran, who has big dreams of meeting Trump and getting a career with his organization.

Honestly, the description raises more questions than it offers answers. The heroine apparently goes on to bother some dude named Justice K. Journey, who lives “alone in his mountain lair,” by asking him questions about his land and politics.

We’ll spare you the rest of the summary, mostly because we don’t really understand it. Yes, there are words on a page that form the semblance of a sentence, but they don't appear to convey much meaning.

One reviewer gave Justice for Mary Beth a single star and said: “Literally the worst thing I have ever read, and used to read Trump's Tweets.” Another one-star review likened reading the book to passing a kidney stone, adding that it’s a “willful nuking of all female progress over the past 150 years.”

And what of this literary legend? According to her bio, Adams “lives in the wide, open spaces west of the Rockies” and pens “wholesome, heartwarming romance about patriots who love America, love President Trump, and best of all, fall in love at the end of each story.”

Adams continues that “Liberty” is a pen name. She wears many hats: wife, mother and community volunteer.

Perhaps most important, Adams is proud to wear an assortment of MAGA hats. Plural. (We aren’t exactly sure why anyone would need a MAGA hat, let alone many MAGA hats that would necessitate an entire collection. But you do you, Lib.)

Amazon notes that Adams’ customers also purchased books by a guy named Carlton Mellick III, who’s authored such gems as Satan Burger, The Haunted Vagina and The Baby Jesus Butt Plug. Honestly, The Haunted Vagina probably reads like Dickens compared with this MAGArbage.
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Simone Carter, a staff news reporter at the Dallas Observer, graduated from the University of North Texas' Mayborn School of Journalism. Her favorite color is red, but she digs Miles Davis' Kind of Blue.
Contact: Simone Carter