Adam Sandler Canceled His WinStar Show, So We Had to Rank the Worst Pizzas in His Movies

We're not laughing at how bad these pizzas look in Adam Sandler's movies.
We're not laughing at how bad these pizzas look in Adam Sandler's movies. Hector Vivas/Getty

We’ve been warned that the coronavirus would threaten the safety of millions of people. We’ve been told that schools and workplaces would shutter en masse in efforts to prevent the spread of the viral infection. We’ve seen just how severe the economic repercussions of the pandemic truly are.

But nobody braced us for the postponement of Adam Sandler’s March 21 show at WinStar World Casino and Resort.

“Health officials say that large gatherings should be avoided to help stop or prevent the spread of the coronavirus, so we will reschedule the dates once things are back to normal,” said the actor and comedian in a statement. “Look forward to having a great night with you soon.”

Until Sandler makes good on his promise to return, North Texans are left with nothing but the auditory and visual renderings of his work. Sure, this is the same Adam Sandler behind atrocities such as Grown Ups 2 and Jack & Jill, but the man has earned his due: he’s a respected Saturday Night Live alumnus, and movies such as Punch Drunk Love and Uncut Gems are acclaimed even by the snobbiest of film buffs.

Love him or hate him, he’s an indubitable icon of American cinema, and critics have ranked his movies from worst to best extensively, so we will focus on the greasy culinary works within his films. No matter how bad you think his movies are, some of the pizzas in said movies are even less appealing to the eye, and below are five of the worst.

5. Funny People (2009)

First off, you can barely even see the pizza in this scene, so that’s a demerit right there. Secondly, you can just tell by the salad that Seth Rogen is eating that the accompanying pizza is made by some basic, suburban pizzeria. And we bet this pizzeria has “New York” in its name, even though the owner is from some place like Indiana. 

4. Mr. Deeds (2002)

In one of the opening scenes on Sandler’s 2002 film Mr. Deeds, Steve Buscemi’s character (nicknamed “Crazy Eyes”) somehow manages to order a pizza with french fries and Oreos while in jail. Later, he orders a pizza with peanut butter and gumballs. Now, these bizarre toppings are obviously used as a comedic device, but they’re still abominations.

3. Big Daddy (1999)

In the 1999 film Big Daddy, Sandler’s character goes to a Brooklyn pizzeria with his roommate’s son (played by Dylan and Cole Sprouse) as “When I Grow Up” by Garbage plays. The movie gets bonus points for having a sick soundtrack, and for casting Jon Stewart as said roommate, but the pizza they feast on isn’t greasy enough to be a bona fide New York slice.

2. Just Go With It (2011)

Listen, if Pizza Hut is going to do blatant product placement, then fine. But the pizza in this scene looks like a rubber dog toy. And while we’re on this subject, Pizza Hut should quit teasing us by having a salad bar in this scene, because for the most part, they have denied us consumers such an amenity in real life.

1. Coneheads (1993)

Yes, Sandler plays a minor role in Coneheads, and he doesn’t appear in the film’s only pizza scene, but the pizza Jane Curtin prepares is so rudimentary that we find Sandler guilty by proxy. The pizza looks like it was made in a high school cafeteria, and the rectangular fashion in which the middle is sliced should be a war crime. As experts of all things pizzas in Adam Sandler movies, we find the pizza spotted in Coneheads to be far and above the worst offender on this list.
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Garrett Gravley was born and grew up in Dallas. He mostly writes about music, but veers into arts and culture, local news and politics. He is a graduate of the University of North Texas and has written for the Dallas Observer since October 2018.