Eat This

Embracing Gluttony with an Extra Large "Big Meat" at Serious Pizza

In a city bulging at the seams with gluttonous plates of nachos, barbecue, hamburgers and fried chicken, it's hard to nail down the highlight reel. The options are bold and plentiful. Few, however, have the girth of an extra large "Big Meat" from Serious Pizza in Deep Ellum. It's a scene. Many stop and look, but few are brave enough to partake.

Take-out is particularly tricky. The pie is 30-inches in diameter, and once put in a box, it doesn't fit through most standard doorframes. So, you need to tilt it a wee bit, but not so much that the pizza slides inside the box. The same goes for getting it in and out of a car. Renting a hatchback or flatbed is suggested. Or the back of a minivan with the seats down. Good thing minivans are what all the cool kids drive in Deep Ellum.

Mike and Danny at Serious Pizza broke it down for me. The standard extra large Big Meat has 3 pounds of dough, 20 ounces sauce, 2 pounds of mozzarella and 2 pounds of meat, which includes pepperoni, Italian sausage, ham, meatballs and bacon.

OK, we're rounding here. There's about 1,100 calories per pound of pizza dough, most of that coming from the flour (2 cups used in a recipe that yields one pound). Is this too mathy? We're going with 3,300 calories for the dough.

There are about 250 calories in 20 ounces of pizza sauce.

Two pounds of mozzarella has more than 2,700 calories.

For the meat: half a pound of pepperoni has about 1,000 calories; half a pound of Italian sausage equals 800 calories; the ham has 370 calories; 480 calories in half a pound of meatballs and, finally, for the love of pork, 600 calories in just 4 ounces of bacon. Doh! It was fine until the bacon. That damn bacon will do you in every time.

Fuzzy Math = 9,500 calories.

That's almost five days worth of calories for a grown human adult on this here planet Earth.

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Lauren Drewes Daniels is the Dallas Observer's food editor. She started writing about local restaurants, chefs, beer and kouign-amanns in 2011. She's driven through two dirt devils and is certain they were both some type of cosmic force.