How respectable is it to get overexcited about a trailer for a new video game? I suspect the answer is "grow up, you mess," but that has not stopped me from getting extraordinarily worked up about the gameplay trailer that was released this morning featuring footage from the latest installation in the Grand Theft Auto series, GTA V.
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!
Promising to be a lot better than the repetitive drive-around-a-grey-depressing-cityathon that was GTA IV, the fifth iteration in the series previously informed us that it would have a playable area bigger than Red Dead Redemption, GTA: San Andreas and GTA IV combined, which makes the whole thing so mindboggling that I can't even begin to comprehend how I will ever get beyond just wearing a smart hat, sailing a boat round in a circle and listening to Toto. There are planes (LOTS of planes), the chance to play tennis for some reason, Roman won't be there to ask you to go bowling EVERY THREE GODDAMN MINUTES because he died in GTA IV (spoiler alert), there is every kind of terrain imaginable, and you will play as three characters. The trailer shows the ability to almost instantly cut between the three playable characters across the vast map, and how you can use the three to affect missions by each other, and so forth. I don't know. It's all so exciting I can't do sentences any more.
Two more things this game needs, both from the wonderful San Andreas, are jetpacks (because the jet pack/Las Vegas tourist area combination was so beautiful) and the ability to hijack trains, both of which were missing from GTA IV. If you've never made your getaway from a SWAT team ambush by simply stealing a freight train and driving it through the mountains until the police miraculously lose track of the train you stole despite the fixed nature of its progress through said mountains, then you have not lived.
You can gamble on the stock market. You can speculate on the property market. You can go scuba diving into huge shipwrecks, if you somehow grow bored of the small European country-sized overworld. You can climb a huge mountain. Hang out with drunks in the underpass. Go jetskiing, skydiving, cycling. Ride a quad bike. Hang out on Grove Street, by the looks of things (I hope the gang war mechanic from GTA: SA comes back too).
Then, with the last shot of the video, comes the multiplayer universe, as a man stands at his penthouse window to observe dozens of people doing everyday things like flying fighter jets very close to the man's window. Join me in booking six weeks off work on September 17th so we may all fly helicopters into each other while insulting each other over a now antiquated headset system. It's the future.