Follow the Cheap Bastard as she scours the city, looking for a good -- or at least non-lethal -- lunch for less than 10 bucks.
"I'm sorry -- you can't drink that in here, sir." Register Girl runs from behind the counter to stop Already Chugging the Craft Beer She Just Sold Him Dude from chugging his craft beer right next to the craft beer cooler, which is apparently for take-out purposes only. A little annoyed to be stopped mid-chug, Chug Dude wipes his face with his sleeve and replies, "For real?"
"Yes, for real," Register Girl says in her good-employee voice.
Chug Dude looks around, "You got a cup? I'll drink it outside on that curb while I wait for my dang burgers."
Harvey B's, formerly called Harvey G's, but still at 4506 Columbia Ave. sells burgers. And also craft beers, but you can't drink those on-site, it seems. I am drawn to the letters underneath the soda fountain that read, "Welcome to OED." I have to say, the OED is greasier than I expected. I thought the inside of the Oxford English Dictionary would smell of mahogany and snob tits. Instead, I smell meat hitting a bun and onion rings sizzle-floating in the fryer.
The Standard burger is $5.25 and it's a 1/2 lb. patty with pickles, onions, lettuce and tomato. I order The Substandard with cheese (1/4 lb. burger for $4.35) and wonder -- even though I get the "Haha, you're a puss for ordering a small burger" joke in the name of this burger -- if naming something "substandard" is a great idea.
Two North Face People walk in.
Overenthusiastic "Hi!" Lady flags herself as high maintenance before she even gets two words out. "Can I get my burger on a bed of lettuce, with no bun?"
Register Lady: "Uh. We use shredded lettuce, so not really."
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North Face Lady: "OK. In that case, I'll have the Double Standard with cheese and a side of onion rings. And a Diet Coke."
(Nearby, the sound of a diet jumping out a third-story window and splatting on the concrete can be heard.)
The burger I ate was pretty good. But in this current Dallas burger universe, every person's Top Five Burgers in Dallas list is changing daily. "I used to think the burger at Sally's Man Food Shop was the best in Dallas, but then Jerfrey's opened, and now it's totally Jerfrey's FTW." "Ahmagad, I haven't had time to get to Jerfrey's yet, but have you had the sliders at Stank? OMG they're otherworldly." I hope Harvey B's brings a little more burger love to the burger table once it has settled in.
But if you're in the area, come in for a burger and a beer and then cross the street for a really great, cheap chocolate malt at Egg Roll Hut.