If you are a human and you live in Dallas, chances are relatively high that you don't give a fuck about the Super Bowl. If you do, you're either a Pats fan with an affinity for Jameson and clams or a Coughlin apologist with pizza-flavored blood. Either way, you can get drunk for cheap and eat food with your east coast brethren this week in Jerryland.

Hardcore Patriots fans have found each other in DFW and have been known to convene and probably say "wicked" and "beans" a bunch of times at McSwiggan's Irish Pub in The Colony, which appears to be the Metroplex's biggest Belichick backer bar. We've begged Scott to go there and are secretly hoping he gets beat up by a guy in a Julian Edelman jersey.

Based on their Facebook page, you can also hang out with people in that photo above. Dudebros!

Irish pubs closer to Dallas' core are also a safe bet should you be seeking other chowdaheads. Black Friar and The Idle Rich Pub have buckets of Sam Adams ready but also will be serving Brooklyn IPA, so there's that.

Transplant Giants fans around Dallas are invading Buffalo Joe's (3636 Frankford Rd) to watch the big game and bask in the glow of each other's New Yorkness. Local group Big Blue DFW has marked their territory here, which may or may not include actual urine. Buffalo Joe's is a New York-friendly place and offers straight up bar food.

Anyway, you will likely be hard-pressed to find a true Giants-friendly destination due to the palpable hatred between Cowboys and Giants fans in Big D. Frankie's Sports Bar and Grill (3227 McKinney) is serving up huge hot dogs with and $4 Manhattans for Giants fans, but also catering to Pats fans with Clam Chowder (in a bread bowl!) and $4 Boston Tea party shots. If you just don't care, the Press Box Grill (1623 Main St.) has a 112-inch screen. So there's that.

Whatever team you choose to hate less, Dallas will surely be able to satiate your itchin' for all things East Coast. But you may have to go north of LBJ to get your fix.